Not okay

While writing this blog I can’t help but think of the song from Jelly Roll, “I am not okay.”

I’m not okay! I’m not okay in a sense that I can’t move on. I’m not okay in a sense that I’m mentally unstable.

I’m a caregiver to a child, an adult now, that has to express herself for her child, because they don’t know how.

How often do we feel that it is US, the caretaker, the provider, the parent, the wife, the husband, that feels that we are not okay mentally? Losing ourselves as we maneuver through the ins and outs of the daily routine of our loved ones. But are we? We already know who we are. We already know our limits, our battles. What if what we are losing is our own thoughts of what we feel for our family members and not necessarily ourselves? What if these tears and feelings or words of “I can’t do this anymore!” Is really us feeling these feelings FOR THEM! Because they can’t feel it, or say it, or express it, or even understand it! What if the pain they feel everyday is their normal, and we know a life of no pain? That we are exhausted because we hate that they have to go through this?

What does one do, but feel?

I am not okay! I’m not okay FOR HIM!